I tried starting this write up a few days ago but it's been hard. I felt like I couldn’t wrap it up without addressing my current state. I made a decision to change something significant in my life this week and I think I am in a grieving phase but also ‘in wait’ for something big. I took leaps this year that drastically changed my life and I think this change is going to make 2023 very different from what I have known.
We left off last time with provision as my word for 2022. At my church, we pick a word at the end of the year for the next year and sow into it with a year-end offering. I have done this three times now and it has to be one of the most intentional ways to start a year.
The start of 2022 was not the easiest. I applied to dietetic internships and got rejected by my top choices, my contract at my job came to an end, I was struggling with building my businesses, and I was completing a program at the time. I really needed God to provide because a girl was beat down and bruised for real! When I chose provision as my word, I meant financial provision because I knew that this year would be the most financially tasking year if I got into an internship. I realize now that what I needed even more was the provision of peace and calmness.
At the start of March, I was certain I wasn’t getting into an internship and even wrote a letter to God telling him how bruised I was and how I worked so hard to have a stellar transcript and even better resume! I’m sure the angels on my case laughed really hard that night. What you don’t know is that when I applied to internships I gave God an instruction…. you can imagine the disrespect but it is okay now I asked for forgiveness. I applied to four internships and told him my first choice but also told him my last choice and how I wasn’t ready for it because it will be ‘too this and too that’…these were valid human points but not for God. I was extremely comfortable and terrified of change…I liked my bubble…I mean, I spent years creating it…I wanted to grow but remain in the same spot… LOL. By the second week in March, I got accepted to a dietetic internship in Toronto🙃. I was really happy to be selected…. I was 1 of 4 students that were selected. I was also scared because I spent a lot of time telling myself I was not moving to Ontario.
Honestly, the best interview I had was with the Toronto team and I knew that I belonged there. I was scared of change and I also didn’t think they would pick me…my faith was really shaking. So at this point, I know I’ll be moving in the Fall and starting an internship. My goal for the months leading up to that was to have no rest and work as hard as I could to build a Toronto-resistant savings account. Your girl was doing fifty-eleven things (or whatever Beyoncé said). By the summer, I had saved more than I have ever saved in a year in three months…miracles are real! I was doing pitch competitions for both my businesses and secured a handsome capital for both. Everything seemed great! I felt like I was ready for whatever the world would throw at me….that is until I went to Toronto to search for apartments. I’m grateful to my friends for joining me on this quest because I had a record number of mental breakdowns at this point. I definitely didn’t find an apartment and I went back home. The next part I can’t really explain…. while I was home, I continued to search for apartments on all platforms and the requirements for tenancy in Toronto are different from the requirements in Prince Edward Island. It was quite intense and I was not prepared for that. Remember the savings I had put aside?… yh I don’t remember her. In the middle of trying to figure out my moving/living situation, I got caught up with miscellaneous bills and I was distraught. Here I am looking for apartments with a battered savings account and no full time job. So I did what anyone in my situation would do….I booked a flight to Mexico!
You are probably thinking ‘now why would you do that?’. I could sense where the money situation was headed and if it was going to tank anyway, I might as well do one thing that I would remember for the rest of my life 🤷🏾♀️. ‘My first adult solo trip’. I thought I wanted this trip for fun, but it was a lot more than that for me and my mental health. I was able to take myself out of the #bs, meet other people, learn their culture, eat the best meals, I also got to do a wellness retreat which is very LA of me but I was able to stop, sit, meditate and pray. While I was there, I got approved for the perfect apartment with the most amazing Black female landlords, who have become my home away from home. I got to dance, swim, bike in the villages, butcher the language (I am really sorry to all the locals who tried to teach me), eat and drink as much as I needed. I had the best wholesome experience to usher me into my ‘new life’. When I returned, I hauled myself and my belongings to my new home in a few weeks. The 16-hour drive from Charlottetown to Toronto is not the best for your body and this was the 3rd stretch I was doing this summer. I arrived safely, set up my apartment, lost my TV because it was damaged in transit…. I cried about that for a sec and sat on my U-haul boxes that served as couch.
I was doing it! Moved out, got an apartment, my internship was about to start.. and yes my financial reserve was pretty low. Moving to Toronto East has allowed me to attend church in-person and my first in-person sermon was titled ‘God’s got my back’. That entire sermon was for me, I needed to hear that, I needed reassurance. The text was Isaiah 30:21: Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” This was me! I was on that path and all I had to do was follow God’s lead. He sent me two troublesome friends that talked me into applying for Employment Insurance. If you know me you know I’m always working on more than one thing. For the first time in my adult life I had to choose to not have a job, I chose to lose the financial security of a job because I could not handle it with all the adapting I was doing.
All my needs were met and all my bills were paid on time and I was able to work part time as a research assistant on two projects and as a teaching assistant at my school. I got into the routine of driving on the 401 without fearing for my life, being the best damn intern that I could be and my friends visited me for the first few months… I did not tell them this before but I will now… ‘you guys being there with me meant the world to me and I love you deeply’.
One cold snowy night in November, I was enroute to a worship service. When I arrived, I picked up my phone to head inside when I saw that I had received an email from someone from an organization that I knew. To summarize the email as best as I can, it said: ‘Hey, there’s an opening and we want you to fill it. If you don't want it, that’s okay, we will post it to the public. Your name was the first in the room when this position came up’. I truly thought I was hallucinating and so I put my phone on DND and headed in for the service. The following day I checked my email again to be sure of what I read and then I responded. So here we are at the end of December and I have a full-time gig that is remote and includes travel. Would you call this provision?
My word for 2023 is breakthrough. I had a hard time finding the word but I feel that 2023 may be mentally challenging for me. I have a lot on my plate and as I mentioned in the beginning, I’m also going through a grieving phase and my emotional bandwidth is low. I don't know what a breakthrough would look like but I look forward to it. I’m stepping into my therapy era, and I’m so proud of the step of putting myself first.
This was a bit long-winded and I apologize. If you got this far…Thank You!😘. I hope your year was amazing regardless of the challenges that you had. I pray for a better 2023 for you, a year that defines your purpose.
Happy new year!